Alien and I

no one will understand  

so why do i bother ? 

better i just clammed up beside the exit door 

and when people asked  what's wrong 

i just replied, my sniffles just took turn for the worse 

coz when i tell you I'm sad, you will feel the sadness

though you don't know what my sadness is 

coz when i tell you I'm hurt, you too will feel the pain

though you don't know what my pain was

then you just tell me to cool down 

not to think about it that much 

not to feel too much 

and i'm suppose to listen 

and do what's right 

told you i should die 

and get out of your hair 

but nooooo, you told me my life is precious 

hah! 

precious for you, I see 

for me ... my life is a disaster ready to happen.... 

why cant you all see?

im not like you... 

i cant comprehend the things you all say to me 

I cant understand! 

it doesnt make sense to me 

then when all seems to crumble down

you just pat my back and say 

be patient be patient 

what is patient?

what is good?

why is it im always at the other end of those words?

I have to be patient

I have to be good

what does the other do, then???

then you look at me with tears in your eyes 

and begging me to forgive the world 

why. little girl, why ... 

why do you have to be the one asking forgiveness?

you don't even understand ...

you don't even know 

so, you don't have to apologize!!

all you apologies mean nothing 

and soon it will sound like an insult 

to me

to my head 

to my heart 

please stop!

don't apologies when you don't know what you are apologizing for ... 

It's not you, child 

it's me ...

I'm an alien planted on earth for too long 

making me believe that i'm one of you 

making me believe that i have to be human 

making me believe that i have to learn to be human 

making me believe that i have failed 

making me believe that i am incomplete 

so leave me be 

let me be 

in my sorrow and depressing state 

in my weird and selfish self 

in my panic and confusing wrath 

don't be sorry 

don't be sad 

it is what it is 

coz one thing for sure 

is that i never lie 

not like the people who came and pass me by 

so, 

this long ...

and some what deranged letter 

is actually my letter of good bye.. 

the good bye I told you a million times 

the good bye I intend to tell you a million more 

the good bye you ignored 

the good bye you thought i never meant 

so, 

to stop all the long convo 

to stop you from preaching and quoting wise words from the past ... 

i just need to get this into the open... 

i'm not the person you thought i am 

i'm just another alien 

put on earth 

for a reason that now i've forgot ...

i'm not you 

and am not your kind 

so let it be 

and remember all this when our path 

cross in the near future 

coz  i wont be around that long ... 

sincerely, 

me 

*huff* ngusap keringat....